What does Divorce Monday mean for you?

This post was first published in 2019 and updated December 2025.

Is Divorce Monday a real phenomenon or a media invention? As with most things, the truth is a bit of both.

#DivorceMonday is traditionally the first working Monday of the year. Why? The story goes like this: unhappy couples limp or rage their way through Christmas, and get on the phone to their lawyers as soon as the offices are back open to call time on their marriage. Is this true? Sort of. Law firms do report higher than average contact from new divorce clients in January – not all on the first Monday of the year though!

The decision to divorce doesn’t just happen after a single bad Christmas though – it’s far more complex than that.  And if divorce is on the cards for you this year, your first action certainly shouldn’t be to contact your lawyer (with two exceptions – more on those later). 

So what should you be doing this month? Forget the media hype. You decide for yourself whether this is Day One or One Day for your divorce. If you’re not sure, try these questions to help you get more clarity:

Did you grin and bear it over Christmas?

Christmas can be fraught, with pressure to create perfect Insta-ready moments, have fun parties with friends and snuggles by the fire watching festive TV. For some people that’s just not the reality. Instead, tempers are raised, all that time together makes for arguments rather than magic moments. 

Maybe you went into the holiday season resenting every second. You don’t want to host the in-laws, or create magic for everyone else. You don’t feel like your spouse has got your back, and you wish you could have done it on your own terms. And there’s no way you could have this conversation with them. 

If your Christmas was more sniping than smooching, that could be a sign your marriage is no longer a happy one.

Has your marriage been under strain for a while?

Let’s not forget that Christmas can be stressful for everyone. A week of arguments at one of the most pressurised times of the year isn’t enough to write off your marriage for good. 

Think about how you’ve been feeling over the past few months, before the Christmas mayhem. What was October like? How did you feel about your marriage then? If you’ve been dreaming about divorce during less stressful times, it’s time to take your thoughts seriously.

Have you been dreaming of a different life?

A strong sign you need to take action is if you’ve been thinking about what life could be like. How things could be different if you weren’t married, or if your marriage was healthier. This is your wise inner-self telling you that life needs to change.

New Year is a great opportunity to take stock. If you know you want your life to be different this year, think about what that really means. Different doesn’t have to mean divorce, but you have to consider what it could mean. 

What changes can you put into practice for yourself? We can’t control what other people do, but we are responsible for our own actions. Have you got into a pattern with your spouse that sets you up for tension and conflict? Are there behaviours you can change in yourself? Talking things through with your spouse, perhaps with the help of a mediator, can help you reach a calm decision about whether divorce is the right way to go.

Are you ready to take action?

Answered yes to every question so far? This is the big one, then. Are you ready to take action? If so, now what?

Please don’t contact a solicitor. There is no urgency to do this unless:

1. You are in a highly complex, high wealth situation and think you will need to protect assets urgently
2. You are experiencing domestic violence and may need legal protection. Agencies such as Women’s Aid or Refuge can provide free information and support on this.

If those circumstances don’t apply to you, your first port of call should be to strategise. And your solicitor is not the best person to strategise with? Why not? Their job is to navigate the legal system on your behalf. Yes, they can bring their expertise and experience to what is usually done in cases like yours. But they are not there to guide you through the emotional rollercoaster of deciding what you want and need from your future, and processing the hurt that has been caused by your marriage. You don’t need a solicitor to tell you:

• About mediation
• How to plan your future life
• What to ask for in settlements
• How to communicate with your soon-to-be-ex
• What to do when things go wrong

And if they do help you with these issues, they will be billing you in six minute intervals.

It is far more effective (and cost-effective!) to know what you want and need before contacting a solicitor. That’s where I come in. I can help you create your own divorce plan, tailored to your needs. To know what you want and need so you can instruct a solicitor in full confidence.

What happens when you work with me?

I am a trauma responsive coach and divorce strategist. That means we look at the whole picture of your life: now, in the past, and in the future. 

If trauma is present, we work with it, so you can close down old patterns and programming, and build healthier ways of being in the world. If you have no idea about finances, or how you will manage independently, you’ll see you have the skills and smarts to live life on your terms. If you are in a high conflict marriage, with a spouse who will do everything to derail you, we’ll develop tailored strategies to minimise their power. 

Here are just some things you’ll get when you work with me:

• clarity around what you want from your divorce in the long-term
• knowledge of how the divorce processes work and what they mean for you
• a tailor-made plan for your own divorce
• confidence to complete the divorce paperwork yourself
• understanding of when to instruct a solicitor and how to find one that suits you and your needs
• strategies for communicating with your lawyer and soon-to-be-ex, even when it’s challenging
• knowledge about the different ways high-conflict can show up, and what to do about it
• excitement for the future and life beyond your divorce

The truth about Divorce Monday is that it’s meaningless when it comes to you and your choices. Who cares what anyone else is doing, or how many emails are fired off to lawyers? What matters is you, and your life. 

Only you get to decide if you start living life on your terms one day, or whether this is day one. If it’s day one, you can start right now. Book your free, complimentary 15 minute consultation with me, and let’s get your future started.