Thinking of Divorce after Valentine’s Day?

So yesterday was Valentine’s Day; how was it for you? Was it your first Valentine’s as a newly separated or divorced woman, or were you still at home going through the motions? Is 15th February your new 1st January? Are you thinking of divorce after Valentine’s Day?

It’s all made up of course. This pressure of Valentine’s, but it’s easy to succumb to it. It might just be a good time to reflect. Is your emotional relationship meeting your needs? In some respects, that actually has nothing to do with him. Because your needs are your needs and only you can decide what they are. It is your duty however, to let him know what they are. None of us are mind readers. Do you even know what it is you want?

did you give up on him, or is it right that you gave up on you?

Do you take the time to look?

Do you take the time to feel? Because if you don’t, he sure as hell isn’t going to. That might sound hard, but it is your job to know what you want and it’s also your job to convey that.

Saying what you want can be hard

Saying what you want to can be really hard, especially if you’re not used to it. Even more so if you don’t think you’re worth it. It could be that you used to say what you wanted but you never got it so you gave up? But let me ask you this – did you give up on him, or is it right that you gave up on you? You probably haven’t looked at it like that before because it’s easy to blame the other person but the truth is, the only person you can fight for you is you. Are you willing?

Making yourself worth it

Making yourself worth it can be one of the most difficult things  you do as a woman. You make your children worth it all the time because you feed them, clothe them, nurture them and tell them that you love them. You tell them all the time how special are, because they are. You made your husband worth it because you took care of him, you let him know how much you loved him, you’ve probably washed cooked and cleaned for him. He might have done most things for you too.

But when did you last make yourself worth it? Was it before the children were born; was it even sometime before that? You see people treat us the way that we treat ourselves.

Remember how good it felt when you started dating your husband and you fell in love – you felt great didn’t you? You felt alive, sexy and attractive, and he let you know that he saw that in you.

How do you feel now?

Do you still feel alive sexy and attractive? Is someone else making you feel alive sexy and attractive? Because making yourself feel that way takes effort. You might be going out to work 9-to-5, you might be that at home with the children, but romance seems like a distant memory. ‘What romance?’ you might thinking!  Romance seems to have got lost. That’s not just your responsibility, it’s his as well. Are you willing to take the lead to get it back? Perhaps it’s too late? Only you know the answer.

Making yourself worth it, whether that’s getting your relationship back on track, or ending your relationship because you want more., is the key to moving forward, to changing things. Perhaps you’re tired of trying. You feel you’ve tried everything. You’ve tried date night, a weekend away, chatting you’ve been to relationship counselling and you’re still not happy, by  making yourself worth it, you’ll have the strength and confidence to do something about it.   There are no prizes for being a martyr. Some relationships last forever, some don’t.

Deciding to leave

This 15th of February, you might have woken up wanting to go. Why not? You might have decided to start afresh. It might be why you’re reading this blog post. Are you really sure that you want to go? Getting that decision right is crucial to be able to move on without looking back. No regrets. No ‘ifs’ ‘buts’ or ‘maybe’s’ when you’re clear,you’re clear.

Deciding to go can be scary, really scary. I’m yet to meet a woman who got married thinking that they would get divorced. You have to be brave, you have to be courageous, and you have to want more for yourself and your children.

To get that decision right, you’re going to need all the strength that you can muster, even if you’re a lady who leaves. So sit with this decision, think about it. Think about your ‘why’ and what you want from your life.

I’ve created a webinar which is free to watch to help you make that difficult decision you can sign up for it here. By signing up to this webinar you’ll get the tools you need to help you make that difficult decision; to support you make the decision that’s right for you in your own time, and in your own best way. So pop your details in the box below and watch the webinar. Feel free to  send me an email and let me know how are you get on.

I’m Emma Heptonstall divorce alchemist and I help ladies who leave make smart emotional and financial decisions at the end of their marriages. From deciding whether they should leave, to moving through the divorce process, it’s my job to hold your hand and keep you accountable. To keep you moving forward when it gets tough because it will, even if it’s your decision. You can contact me via email at

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