What to do when it feels like your divorce will never end

Remember when we talked about the divorce process and how it is actually a very short, five stage process? Perhaps you haven’t started your divorce yet, or perhaps you’re in the middle of it. It can feel like divorce goes on forever can’t it? Here’s the thing, your divorce is just a process, it does not define your life. It’s really important at this time that you take care and look after yourself and don’t let your divorce process overwhelm you.

So what can you do when it feels like your divorce will never end? Here are three things  that it’s really important that you do to look after yourself and managing your divorce:

1. Keep perspective

It’s really important that you keep perspective when you’re getting divorced. It can feel overwhelming and it can take over everything. But by keeping perspective, you can keep it in a compartment in your life – a place that you visit when necessary.  Remember you’re still a woman who maybe a mother and or a working girl; you still have responsibilities, you still have family and friends to support you. So make sure that you make time to continue to do those things that you like to do – continue to go to the gym and take regular exercise continue to eat well and continue to sleep and rest when you need it. You can use the services of a divorce coach to support you if you need to and you can spend time with your girlfriends. Make sure that you make time to have fun.

focusing on you is non-negotiable

2. Ensure that you keep organised and keep future focused

Keeping future focused is really important when you’re getting divorced. Keeping future focused keeps your head out of the past. Now is not the time to look at  what went wrong in your relationship. Now is not the time to consider what you want from a future relationship. Your energy is taken up with just dealing with the now. And you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay not to be able to handle anything else; it’s okay, that at this time, you’re not thinking about what you want  from a future relationship.

Focusing on you is good, in fact, it’s non-negotiable.

Got it?


3.  The best thing you can do at this time is to cut yourself some slack.

Cutting yourself some slack is crucial when it feels like your divorce will never end. You’ve got a lot going on. Perhaps you’re juggling work, your friends your children and everything else, so be kind to yourself. Keep lines of communication open with yourself and your former partner if you can. And by keeping the lines of communication open with yourself what I mean is, that you’re open and honest with yourself about how you feel. Some days will just be plain crappy and that’s okay. Some days you’ll feel excited about the future. Some days you’ll feel really sad and some days you’ll feel even more sad. Accept that, accept yourself just as you are.

If you are struggling with this, the first thing you can do is cut yourself some slack and admit it. What’s the worst that can happen?

The bottom will not fall out of your universe. Trust me.

Divorce Coaches such as myself can really help  keep you grounded, keep you taking care of yourself and remind you that when you chunk down your divorce into its five main stages when you take on a process that works for you – whether it be the traditional court process, collaborative law, or family mediation, you keep focused on what’s right for you and your family. You keep in control of your emotions and your finances.   Most divorces take about 12 months, but this doesn’t mean that the next 12 months of your life are going to be totally focused on your divorce.  So, compartmentalise your divorce in your head. Make it so that you can lift up the bin lid and throw it away once you’re done.

yeah I got through that. I’m stronger than I think I am

Is it easy? No. but when times get tricky, just sit back and look at how far you have come. Look at  all the horrid bits you’ve been through and you’re still here. With help and support you’re getting through this. Remember, at the other side of your divorce you’ll feel like the strong confident woman you are.

I am Emma Heptonstall, The Divorce Alchemist. I can help you on your divorce journey and I’d be delighted to. I can help you take back your control of your emotions, help you understand the divorce process and help you get organised. I can help you to get clear about what’s right for you and your family even before you start the divorce process that it becomes just a manageable phase of your life that one day you look back on and think ‘yeah I got through that. I’m stronger than I think I am’.

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