You are the CEO of your divorce
Now you know #goodgirlsdogetdivorced (if you haven’t caught up on last week’s blog you need to here), you can free yourself up to divorce your way. No more people-pleasing, or worrying about what your ex/parents/friends/boss think. Your divorce is nobody else’s business.
It is your business though, and you need to own that. You are the CEO of your divorce.
Divorce is emotional, yes. It’s crappy and stressful and lots of other naughty words that good girls don’t like to write but say often!
The reality is your divorce is also a business transaction.
Your consent order is the contract that ends all financial obligations if you have a clean break. If not, it still limits financial liability each way.
You need to become the CEO of your divorce.
Stop waiting to see what breadcrumbs he throws you. You’re not a pigeon. Be the swan. Graceful and calm even if underneath the water it’s crazy.
Make the decision to lead
Whatever the business, the CEO is the figurehead and leader. Sure, she has help. She surrounds herself with trusted advisors and employees who complement her zone of genius but she is what others see.
She takes charge. Even if she feels tired. Even when she feels like she couldn’t give a flying fig, she puts her game face on and leads. Doubtless she bitches in private, but she doesn’t take to social media to do it. She doesn’t play the victim. Victims get taken advantage of every single time.
She decides to choose herself. She leads the way she feels best (taking trusted and relevant advice). This woman doesn’t listen to critics. If she needs to adjust her course, she takes a breath and does it. To quote Banksy, she learns to rest, not quit.
Decide to be the CEO. Decide to lead your divorce.
If you don’t, he will.
Is it easy to be the CEO of your divorce all the time? Hell no! Some days you’ll feel like giving up and giving in. Some days, divorce – along with your children, the dog, and your job – will feel like too much. It’s understandable. And your ego will have a field day with you.
“Who do you think you are?”
“Let him have it his way”
“There are more important things than money. You’ll be fine without it”
When you start having thoughts like that, you need support and a reality check.
Get yourself an accountability buddy. It could be your BFF. It could be that colleague at work who really looks out for you.
Whoever it is, you need them. When we have accountability we are more likely to stay on track. We are more likely to do the things we said we’d do. We are less likely to let our egos run the show because we are gently and lovingly called out of the BS we tell ourselves.
Accountability helps you see the bigger picture. It helps you choose you and stay in that CEO role. When you are the CEO of your divorce you aren’t alone, you have a team.
Build your team
I’ve said this before, but it needs saying often! You need to create the best support team you can. How do you know who to choose? You need a team:
- That you trust, implicitly
- A team that is focussed on your agenda, not theirs
- That listens (really listens, and believe me, that’s rare)
- That offers advice when asked (not always offering unsolicited advice – because unsolicited advice is pretty much always about them and their story, not you and yours).
How many people do you have in your world who tick those boxes? Treasure them.
As a divorce coach, I’m an integral part of many women’s support team. For some women I’m the only person they discuss their divorce with. We work 1:1 in a very safe, confidential space.
For others I’m one of a number of people they call on in their journey, along with a therapist, financial adviser, solicitor perhaps. When you are the CEO of your divorce, you get to choose what works for you.
In The Absolute Academy, I’m the CEO, but when it comes to support, I’m one of many women – you’ll join brave women sharing stories, circumstances, sadness, and triumphs on the road to freedom. You learn from not only my professional experience, but the experience of women that have gone before you. It’s a formidable team.
If you prefer to do things privately The Absolute Academy can help you too. The online training portal with videos, workbooks and the self-study Get Divorce Ready programme is there for you whenever you need it.
20:20 in 2020
20:20 vision is about visual acuity – seeing things clearly. How about 2020 being your year to see things clearly? To have that deep knowing you’re on track, that you are making decisions from a strong place of what’s right for you and your children?
You may or may not complete your divorce in 2020 but that doesn’t stop you deciding to choose you and lead. Decide that you are going to step up, take control and lead yourself and your family into a new future.
What do you dare to dream about?
The Absolute Academy
In January 2020 the membership fee for the Absolute Academy is increasing for new members only to £147 per month. Existing members will continue to pay their current rate as they navigate towards the end of their divorce. So, if you want to step up and be the CEO of your divorce and join the Absolute Academy for £97 per month, now is the time. The Absolute Academy will hold you accountable and support you (whether or not you have a solicitor or Direct Access Barrister).
This is where you’ll get clear on what’s truly important and hold it sacred. Then you can do the (sometimes scary) work to get there, knowing I’ve got your back. Yes, you’ll get your divorce done. But, even more importantly, you step into you – you as the CEO of your life.
Are you ready to get clear and step up in 2020? Join the 50 other women in the Absolute Academy today.
Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com