5 Questions you don’t need to ask a divorce lawyer

When women decide to leave, there’s a lot to deal with. Contemplating life after divorce: what they want it to look like, where they want to live, how they want to live. What’s actually possible. Navigating the actual divorce process.

For many women, once they’ve got serious, it feels like the first logical step is to contact a solicitor. Because solicitors are the experts in divorce, they’ve seen it all before, they can help you navigate the tricky paths ahead.

Well, yes.

And no.

Solicitors are experts in the legal process of divorce. But that does not mean they are the right people to answer every single question you have about leaving your spouse. They are not the right person to help you decide if you should leave your husband.

Your lawyer is there to give you legal advice at the right time

That means your solicitor is there to explain the situation in law, explain what it means for you, and provide legal recommendations, according to the information you have provided. See a solicitor before you’re really ready and you get confused and overwhelmed.

Your solicitor is also there to complete the legal paperwork and move the process along, in line with your instructions. They are NOT there to support you as you navigate this major shift in your life.

Divorce is a big decision, with ripple effects throughout your life. It’s absolutely right that you have questions, and seek expert guidance. But that doesn’t mean you need to turn to a solicitor straightaway – however good your solicitor, it can be an expensive and frustrating way of navigating divorce.

Here are 5 questions you don’t need to ask a divorce lawyer:

• I want to divorce but my husband doesn’t. What can I do?
• Do I have to do family mediation?
• How do we begin to talk about money?
• What do I need to do for the children?
• Can I get financial help with my divorce?

To be clear, it’s not that your solicitor couldn’t help you with these questions. It’s that you don’t need a solicitor to answer them for you. In some limited instances, you may not need a solicitor at all.

I advise knowing what you want from divorce before instructing a solicitor – that way you can work with your solicitor in the most efficient, low-cost way. And they benefit from your clear instructions too.

Help your lawyer help you

The biggest gift you can give yourself is to become an expert in your own situation first. Gather as much information as you can. Understand the process and what’s expected of you first.

Doing this will help calm your nervous system, help you pay attention to what your lawyer is telling you and you’ll be able to answer many of their questions from the get go. You could save yourself thousands.

It may seem overwhelming, and with support you can learn to understand the law and your financial position. From here you can begin to make smart decisions.

So where can you get answers when planning your divorce?

When planning to leave, women tend to need support in two areas: understanding their position in law, and making those very personal decisions about what is right for them and their family.

And supporting women with these two areas is exactly why I set up She Can Divorce: a community for women serious about leaving on their terms.

It is possible to trawl websites, find the information and make decisions on your own. It’s possible to turn to friends who’ve been through the divorce process to seek their advice. The trouble with those two options is you can’t be sure you’ve interpreted the law correctly. And what was right for your friend isn’t necessarily right for you.

The answers and support you need, all the way through your divorce

What you get when you join She Can Divorce is daily support from me, focussed on the questions you have right now. I won’t be giving you regulated legal or financial advice because I’m not acting as your lawyer or your financial adviser. I will be supporting you with legal information and sign-posting you as appropriate to trusted regulated legal and financial advice.

With my background as a lawyer and family mediator, I’m well-versed in the legal process, and ensure my information is up to date. As a trauma-responsive therapeutic divorce coach and family consultant, I can shortcut straight through to the issues that affect you, and help you make the decisions you need to plan for the divorce, and post-divorce life, you want. Together, we’ll ensure that the divorce team around you is solid and you utilise their professional services in a way that saves you time and money.

She Can Divorce is for women like you, who are ready to leave and want to go about it in the right way: a way that minimises financial strain, tackles questions in the right order and takes into account the emotional upheaval of divorce as well as the necessary legal processes.

So when it comes to the 5 questions you don’t need to ask a divorce lawyer, ensure that you have at least researched to answer these questions for yourself. Of course, it’s absolutely fine to let the lawyer do it all for you if you choose to and your budget can withstand it. Ensure you have money for the parts of the legal process where being represented will also save you thousands, not to mention your sanity!

I don’t ever promise quick and easy divorces. But what She Can Divorce can help you with is navigating divorce on your terms. Answering your questions so you can make decisions with confidence. And supporting you every step of the way.

If you’re ready for weekly support as you work through your divorce your way, come and join us.

About Emma

Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programmes, and the newly released ‘Should I be a Lady Who Leaves?’

Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of  The Six Minute Divorce Podcast. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com