How do you know if you’re ready for divorce?

Just sometimes, people’s eyebrows raise when they learn what I do for a living.

“Divorce coach? You like seeing marriages end?”

No. That’s not what it’s about at all.

I believe we all have the right to be happy. To live lives that fulfil us, with people that fulfil us.

I believe in marriage. Good marriage. Good marriages are good for us, we live longer and healthier lives, feel more connected and more fulfilled.

I’m absolutely not in the business of convincing people to get divorced.

But in my years as a lawyer, mediator and coach, I’ve seen what bad marriages can do to women. I’ve seen the fear, isolation, the frustration of seeing life slip through your fingers. How do you know if you’re ready for divorce?

Are you dreaming of divorce?

Most of the women I see have dreamed of divorce for YEARS (my own research shows the average is five), yet not taken action because:
• They don’t know what to do
• They’re worried about what people will think
• They’re worried they can’t handle it
• They don’t want to jeopardise their financial security
• They’re worried about the impact on the children

Five years (more, in many cases) is a long time to be wondering ‘what if’.

To have your brain going in circles trying to imagine a better future, yet feeling like it’s all too difficult.

I want you to know that you’re not alone. You are not the only woman who’s struggled with doubt over whether she’s making the right decision. Who’s terrified of turning her world, and her family’s world, upside down. Who feels like staying put is the best option.

And, maybe it is. I believe in good marriage, and leaving isn’t for everyone – if there’s a way back to a good marriage, fantastic. But until you look your marriage in the eye, you’ll never know. Everything, absolutely everything, is more terrifying when it’s unknown.

Some women decide they’d like to explore divorce. They start having conversations with their spouse. But they’re not really sure of what they want, or where they want the conversation to go – so it goes nowhere. Or they turn to family and friends, who are emotionally invested in the marriage too, making it difficult to provide the support and insight needed. Sometimes women run to a solicitor straightaway, hoping they will have the answers. They don’t. Solicitors offer legal advice, but they can’t make decisions about your life for you (and it gets expensive asking them).

Making these moves can often make a tangled situation feel even more overwhelming and complicated.

As soon as you reach out for support and get information you can trust, everything becomes a whole lot more manageable.

And that’s why I created Club D36.

Back to my question right at the outset: How do you know you’re ready for divorce? You can read more about the 5 signs that you’re ready for divorce on my blog, but ultimately:

You know you’re ready for divorce, or ready to seriously consider divorce, if you’re ready to do something.

Are you ready to do something?

Club D36 is a small, private community of women who are ready to take action. Action doesn’t have to mean packing your bags, or instructing solicitors straightaway (in fact, I believe instructing a solicitor is actually one of the LAST things you should do!). It’s about looking your situation in the eye and taking control of it.

That means:
• Knowing what your options are
• Knowing what the legal process entails
• Knowing you are absolutely worth the life you want to lead
• Surrounding yourself with people who get it.

The women in there have invested in themselves and their future. They get it. They support each other through decision-making, and receive regular training and answers from me to guide them through their own particular divorce journey.

No divorce is exactly the same. The law in England and Wales is the same, but what it means for your life will be unique to you. And that’s why divorce can feel so lonely.

But it doesn’t have to. I want you to know that divorce doesn’t mean failure. Done on your terms, with support, divorce means new beginnings, the start of the life you want to be leading.

And it can start today, for just £36 a month.

£36 which could save you thousands in solicitors’ fees by helping you take charge of your divorce, your way.

You’re probably wondering why it’s called Club D36. D36 is the form you fill in to get your Decree Absolute – the end of your divorce journey. In the club we’re with you every step of the way.

If you’re ready to start taking control of your life and your divorce – I’d love to see you in there! Come and join us to get started with the rest of your life.

Emma Heptonstall The Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a practising family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self study and group programme to help you get control of your divorce before it gets control of you. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit

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