Divorce: How to get off the fence and get on with your future
One of the most uncomfortable places to be is on the fence. This is true, both literally (splinters, cold bottoms!) and metaphorically. Our brains like to know what’s next, what the future holds. And sometimes that’s impossible to tell. But life certainly feels easier when we take control of the bits we are in control of. In Divorce: How to get off the fence and get on with your future, I take a look at how you can make a difference for yourself.
When it comes to thinking about whether or not to divorce, what can you control? Well, as with everything else, there are two big areas where you get to decide:
Where your energy goes
There’s no getting away from the fact that divorce is a difficult, often unhappy business. People don’t enter marriage expecting or wanting divorce, so in that respect, it’s a sad place to be.
But not all marriages work. That’s just fact. There’s no shame in it. And while it might feel necessary to mentally beat yourself up, or it might feel good to blame your spouse, or others around you, that doesn’t get you into a healthier, happier place. Which you absolutely deserve.
What does get you closer towards that future life you want is ACTION. It’s having a picture of what you want your life to be, and getting clear on how you can work towards that.
Where your time goes
Life is busy, there’s no getting away from that either. And the way to manage a busy is by prioritising. So the question to ask yourself here is, ‘What is most important to me?’
Only you can answer that for yourself. But if you know, deep down, that your marriage is making you unhappy, and what a relief it would be to know how to navigate divorce on your terms, to have a way out, then it’s up to you to prioritise it. Prioritising means getting off the fence and getting on with your future.
Unfortunately big issues like relationships and divorce can often take up more headspace than action space. We can spend more time mulling, browsing websites, going round in circles with friends than actually finding a way forward.
When time is limited, what you need is a map through the woods. You don’t have time to get lost! And that’s exactly what Get Divorce Ready is. It’s a way to cut through all the noise, and focus on what matters. What matters is you having control of your life and being able to make choices that will help you.
So what about the things you can’t control?
Divorce is a legal process, that’s true for all of us, royalty, celebrities, the lot. There are steps you have to take, in the right order. You can’t change that, BUT you can decide when and how to initiate proceedings, when to engage a solicitor so it’s on your terms and costing you less, and be ready with all the information the law requires so things go as smoothly as possible.
Remember the Morecambe & Wise sketch where Eric says to Andre “I’m playing all the right notes. But not necessarily in the right order”.
It’s the same with your divorce. Doing all the right things, but not necessarily in the right order can have a big impact on the outcome. Negotiating before you’re really ready. Making agreements without understanding your full financial picture. Instructing a solicitor when you’ve no idea what you want. Take charge of the things you can control.
You can’t do anything about how other people respond – friends, family, your soon-to-be-ex. And it’s true that can make life more difficult than we’d like. But, even here, there are choices. You can choose who to surround you with – who to have on your support team. And you can choose to learn communication strategies that can help with conflict.
Joining Club D36 gives you:
- A ready-made community of women who have your back
- A coach who most definitely does!
- A step-by-step guide so you KNOW you’re not wasting your time
- The confidence to take on divorce your way, when you’re ready
- And, most importantly, it gives you your future. It gives you first access to the life you know you want.
To find out more about Club D36 and join the membership, you can visit here: Club D36. One of the biggest advantages of joining the Club is a ready made secret group of action takers. Women who are done with the taking and are getting on with the job of doing. As a member, you’ll also get 20% discount off my other paid services. S if you need support and accountability to get off the fence, join me in Club D36. I’d live to have you.
I get that making decisions about big stuff like this is hard. I get that investing in yourself is hard, especially if you’re not sure it will work for you. But I really don’t want you to miss this opportunity. So if you’re not sure, just hit the ‘Message Emma’ button to book a free 15 minute call to see if it’s right for you.
Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a practising family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com