How do I plan for divorce?

How do I plan for divorce? Well, planning for divorce is an important step in the process if you are serious. Serious about leaving (if you haven’t already), and serious about creating a plan that will save you money. Not having a plan is like getting in the car with no idea where you’re going – it might turn out to be a nice comfortable journey, it could be a complete disaster where you get lost, breakdown and you don’t know how to get out of a bad situation. Do you make smart decisions when you’re stressed ? No.

How do you know if you should go?

Making the decision to leave your marriage is actually the most challenging of all. If you’ve been sitting on the fence, let me ask you, ‘what’s holding you back?’  Are the your stories you are telling yourself really true? Perhaps you’ve been waiting for Christmas to be over – it is so now you can start taking steps, right?

Do you feel bad and lack motivation? Doing nothing makes us feel bad. Our ‘mind monkeys’ start chattering away about how useless, lazy and incompetent or wimpy we are. None of that is true, but we believe it and feel worse than ever. So in taking action, even if it’s a small step, we can feel good that we are doing something towards our goal. Find out more by reading this blog Should I Stay or Should I Go? 

At first do nothing

At first do nothing. Let that feeling land inside you and feel it with all the emotions and energy that comes with it. This is important as it’s part of the grieving process. Only by grieving properly and fully can you ever move on. Will it be a one time event? No. You’ll experience a wave of emotions like a roller coaster but the frequency and intensity will lessen and the gaps between feeling triggered will lengthen. The ladies on the last round of Get Divorce Ready  thought that they were done when they started the Programme – turns out we uncovered a whole lot more emotions they didn’t know they had….

The future you

Who is the future you? What do you want? Who do you want to be? Remember that you do have choice about lots of things, even if it doesn’t feel like it.  Even if the only choice you have is to say  ‘enough’. If you need help to leave, seek it. Google is your friend. Think about what’s important to you? Write it down and look at it every day. Your subconscious mind will start to work out how you can achieve your dreams.

Your divorce is just a moment in time – it will end

Your money

Understanding your financial position is crucial if you want to divorce with confidence. Start with your own numbers, especially if you’ve been ignoring them. Take it steady. Then look at what assets and liabilities are in the relationship. You’ll get to see his numbers during financial disclosure and you may already know what some of them are – write them down. Start to think about your future income needs. When you know what you have and what you want, you have the basics of a plan!

Your Children

Probably one of your biggest fears will be the well-being of your children. Know that they will be ok if you are ok, so ensure that you look after yourself. Eat and sleep as well as you can. Exercise. Don’t make your divorce the centre of your universe. It feels massive and it is, but keep perspective, it’s just a moment in time. Use a Parenting Plan to help you create guidelines and boundaries for your co-parenting relationship .

Want help creating your divorce plan?

Join Get Divorce Ready, the online group programme to help ladies like you take control of their divorce and save themselves thousands of pounds in legal fees. Having your own divorce plan takes the fear and overwhelm away and allows you to focus on getting your divorce done with confidence.

Get Divorce Ready is for you if:

  • You want emotional support to help you get through the challenging decision of leaving or filing for divorce.
  • You need help to see a brighter future because at the moment you can’t think past today.
  • You’d like audios and videos on being able to deal with your emotions when things get tricky.
  • You know you need to make peace with the past because making good financial decisions doesn’t come from a place of anger or hurt.
  • You want to be able to process how you feel and move forward with confidence and grace.
  • You want the structure and support of showing up weekly and having calls recorded so you can watch them over. With over 9 hours of Emma’s expert help and support.
  • You want to understand the divorce process including what to do and when.
  • You’d like access to helpful videos which walk you through the D8, D84. D80, D36, FM1, Form A and Form E

What do you get?

  • A 180 page Workbook.
  • A copy of How to be a Lady Who Leaves – Amazon Best Seller.
  • A set of Understanding Divorce -30 Daily lessons Cards
  • Audios
  • Divorce Form Videos
  • Over 9 hours of my expert advice
  • A secret Facebook Group
  • A 30 Minutes Consultation at the end of GDR
  • VIP participants get additional 1:1 access to me for 6 weeks using the Voxer Messaging App for iphone and Android which is free to download

Getting a plan together for your divorce is one of the most empowering and cost effective things you can do. You’ll be able to give your solicitor clear and confident instructions for the aspects of the divorce you need their help with. But. You won’t be using your lawyer as your therapist. You’ll understand what they are telling you and make smart decisions based on reality not fantasy. Join Get Divorce Ready here : Join Get Divorce Ready.

I’m Emma Heptonstall The Divorce Alchemist and Author of the amazon best selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves. I’ve featured in The Independent, The Telegraph, Marie Claire and on BBC Radio. I’m a former lawyer, family mediator and divorce coach for women who want to make smart emotional and financial decisions on divorce. You can email me at or visit my website at

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