Is it time to get your divorce done?
Procrastination. We can all fall prey to it at some point in our lives. Particularly when there are things that we don’t want to do through fear. But what we resist persists. Is it time to get your divorce done?
Start 2019 as you mean to go on!
The change of year is always a good signal to take stock and look ahead. If you’re in the middle of divorce, or if you’re thinking about it, Christmas can be a difficult time, with fraught tempers and festive pressures. But now it’s time to set that aside and start anew. What does 2019 hold for you? Spend some time thinking and writing about this. Knowing what you want (and don’t want) is essential when it comes to making plans and taking action. A great place to start if you haven’t yet left is my webinar Should I Stay or Should I go? If you’ve already made the decision to divorce and it’s stalling, what’s holding you back?
Time to reflect
What did 2018 mean for you? Chances are it’s been a difficult period in your life, with some big emotional and practical struggles. While it’s important to acknowledge the tough times you’ve been through, think about the lessons they have taught you too. Take a pen and paper and reflect on:
- What you have achieved – note down all the little things (perhaps managing the morning and evening bedtime routine on your own if you have children, or a time you did something for yourself or set a boundary) as well as all the progress you have made in moving towards the post-divorce life and freedom you want
- What you have learned – are there life lessons you can take away so you know what you definitely do and don’t want as part of your 2019?
- Who has supported you – often, difficult times show us who our true friends are. Think about the support networks you have and how they have helped you.
Time to set goals
Once you’ve looked back, it’s time to look ahead to the coming year. What do you want 2019 to be like? How do you want it to feel and what would you like to make happen? As I discuss here, divorce gives you an opportunity for a reset, to decide what’s important to you in life and to think about what you stand for. So take some time and think about:
- What do you want more of in your life? The chance to do things you love, on your own terms? Spending time with people who lift you up and support you?
- What do you want less of? Drama and conflict? Pleasing other people? We sometimes have to do things we don’t enjoy (such as divorce paperwork!) to get to where we want, but keeping the end goal in mind makes it easier.
- What do you really care about? What are your values? Values act as guiding lights keeping you on track, and you can bring them to life in millions of ways.
- What practical things do you want to happen? Having a plan, especially if it’s written down, means your goals are more likely to happen because you have broken them down into manageable steps. Think about what you want to achieve (for example, move house, complete your divorce, change job) and write down all the steps you need to take to get you there, including any support you can call in to help you on your way.
Time to let go
Once you’ve set your intentions and goals for the next year, it’s time to clear out the rubbish! There’s no space for everything you are going to achieve if you are holding on to old grudges or beliefs that keep you back. We all have stories in our heads about ourselves and other people. Treat this new year as a time to wipe the slate clean. If you’ve always told yourself you are not good enough (not a good enough mother, not a good enough worker, not a good enough cook – anything!) wave that belief goodbye with the old year. And while you don’t want to open yourself up to abuse from others who treat you badly, reframe your thoughts to focus on your end goal, rather than being caught up in power struggles with your soon-to-be-ex-husband.
Time for you
Spend your energy on what you want, not on what other people want you to get drawn into. Finally – let go of the physical clutter too! If you’ve been holding onto old items from the past, now’s the time to let them go. And if finances allow, treat yourself to something just for you, something that represents a new start. Even small changes can help move your mindset to a more positive place. I wish you lots of happiness and fulfilment for 2019! If you want help making your divorce a reality, on your terms, message me and we’ll get going! Whether its Club D36, joining the next round of Get Divorce Ready, or 1:1 coaching you’re looking for, I’m here. Is it time to get your divorce done?
The Divorce Alchemist
Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, Emma is a practising family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self study and group programmes. Emma is featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com