Self-confidence in your Divorce


date published

17th May 2016

written by

Emma Heptonstall Image

date published

17th May 2016

Self-confidence In Your Divorce

Self-confidence in your divorce may feel like an impossible goal. You’re probably also wondering what a Taxi has to do with self-confidence in your divorce?! Read on, all will become clear…

Even when divorce is your idea, it’s easy to lose confidence at this time. Sometimes lack of confidence is brought on by the uncertainty of what is going to happen next. You certainly didn’t get married thinking that you’d get divorced. Even when you’ve been unhappy for a long time, the reality of the divorce can often be a shock. Life hasn’t gone according to plan. You are usually successful at the things that you do. You have, or have had a great career. The children are settled and you have the material things in life that you want. Wanting a divorce feels like failure. That saps your self-esteem.

Does that resonate with you? You’re not alone.

So is it possible to feel confident during your divorce? And perhaps more importantly, is it necessary?

Not only do I believe it’s possible, I actually think it’s crucial to ensuring that you get what you want and need, your children remain emotionally stable and you don’t get taken and that advantage of either by your husband for your lawyer. When you lack confidence, it’s more difficult to trust yourself. It’s more difficult to know that you’re making good decision. You doubt yourself. You find it difficult to trust those around you.

I was thinking about divorce confidence whilst I was on holiday in Vietnam. Whilst I was there, I started working with a client lives there. Meeting her required me to take a taxi to the chosen venue. I felt really nervous. I have been several in Vietnamese taxis’ with my friend who l lives there, but I’ve never taken one on my own. I knew roughly where I was going in terms of the geography. I would know if the taxi driver wasn’t taking me in the right direction, but I couldn’t communicate with him even if he did. I don’t speak Vietnamese.

My friend gave me some great advice. She said say hello in Vietnamese the taxi driver, say it confidently and he will think that you are and expat living in the local community. He will take you the shortest and quickest route to where you want to go. You are more likely to get taken advantage of if you aren’t confident. So with that I got into the taxi “Xin Chao” I said, and gave him the name of the street I wanted. It took me straight there. My friend had already roughly told me how much the taxi would be, so I was prepared. I don’t know about you, but I feel less confident dealing with foreign currency. So I just made it work for me. So what did I do and how does this relate to your divorce?

1. I got prepared

Planning ahead allowed me to feel confident about the journey I needed to take. I thought about how I could ensure as best as I could, that the taxi driver with whom I could not communicate took me to where I want to go via the shortest and quickest route. So I asked somebody you could tell me because they’re familiar and What I needed to do.

2. I asked the right questions

Once I Knew the route I needed to take, I asked how much it is likely to cost. I was therefore prepared with the right money, so I could pay my fair and leave a tip.

3. I appeared confident

The first time in the taxi in Vietnam I was really nervous. and I didn’t let the driver see that. He collected me from a place that is full of English-speaking ex pats. I behaved as one of them, not just a tourist. Now I’m not saying but the taxi driver would have taken advantage of me being a tourist but I wanted to ensure that he wouldn’t. My confidence was key to that.

4. I did it again

When I had done it once, like everything it got easier the second time I took a taxi. I didn’t feel nervous because I knew I could do it. My confidence had grown. I felt independent of my friend and had a sense that I could cope on my own.

Self-confidence in your Divorce

Building self-confidence in your divorce, is just the same. When you feel nervous because you don’t know where you going and you don’t really know how to communicate because you don’t know the language of the law, you can feel daunted and unlike the self-confident woman that usually are. Remember that it’s just because you because you’re doing something new. Inside you still are that confident woman, it just doesn’t seem like it right now.

So make a plan to find out about those things that you are unsure of. The divorce process, your finances, the law in respect of the children; anything that you are unclear about. Just decide to find out. Ask somebody who knows, someone who can give you the best advice. Getting advice you can understand and trust will help you feel confident.

If you do this before you find a lawyer, you’ll be familiar with the legal language so you have more understanding of what they are telling you. This will allow you to respond with certainty and clarity and above all confidence. As you take the divorce process step-by-step you’ll notice that it all becomes clearer and you don’t feel as scared. You’ll feel able to engage with the process and move through your divorce with ease.

I’m Emma The Divorce Alchemist. I support ladies who leave make smart emotional and financial decisions on divorce. If you have got your copy yet, you can download your free copy of The Smart woman’s Divorce Guide by putting your details in the box below. As well as the Guide, you’ll receive a weekly newsletter from me with support and advice on how to get through your divorce both emotionally and financially. I share practical tips, explain the divorce process and often offer my paid for services at reduced rates for subscribers. You can unsubscribe at any time.  If you’d like to know more about me, you can visit my website at or find me on Facebook at

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