Divorce is one of the most stressful experiences you’ll ever have. It’s second only to the death of a child or spouse in the ‘stressful life events’ hierarchy, according to the widely-used tool developed by psychiatrists Holme and Rahe. And when things get too stressful, it can have consequences for your health – which in turn make life harder. Which can layer on more stress and create a downward spiral. In this blog we look at the physical manifestations of stress, and what you can do to manage them. Read on for 3 practical ways to deal with divorce stress.
Divorce doesn’t happen in a vacuum
Everyone who gets divorced is human: living in a family, a community, earning a living, and/or caring for family members. Divorce by itself is stressful enough, but it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Life keeps on going. And, quite often, that means you get stress from all angles.
Many of the women I support have a number of these situations to deal with, on top of their divorce:
- Caring for children, and supporting them through the divorce
- Caring for elderly family members and their complex health needs
- Managing work
- Managing the emotional fallout from friends and family
- Supporting other loved ones through life crises
- Perimenopausal symptoms, or other health issues
Does any of that sound familiar? I bet you’re dealing with at least one, and can probably add your own to the list.
So before we go further, I want you to take a moment to recognise what you’re going through at the moment. Your plate is full. Your burdens are heavy. It is impossible for you to avoid stress completely. But you can aim to minimise the impact on your health. And that starts with realising just how much you’re dealing with, and giving yourself a break.
Physical impact of divorce stress
We live in a society that sees stress and being busy as an inevitable part of modern life. It’s almost seen as wrong if you’re not stressed! Think about the number of times you’ve asked a friend how they are, and they reply, “Busy, you?!”.
But there is no prize for being the most stressed: chronic, high stress is not a state our bodies have evolved to exist in. Carrying too much stress can have a serious negative impact on your health. So what’s the difference between ‘feeling a little stressed’ and the sort of divorce stress that can make you ill?
Signs to watch out for include:
- Brain fog: when we are overwhelmed our brains can’t process things as easily
- Digestive problems: these could include stomach pain, diarrhea, constipation and nausea
- Headaches: either chronic, low-level pain, or acute bursts
- Tension in the body: this might include tensing your shoulders, grinding your teeth or clenching your jaw
- Insomnia: you know you need to rest, but your brain is hyper-vigilant and can’t switch off
- Chest issues: you might get stabbing pains, or experience a faster heart rate
And it’s no surprise that many of those signs also feature in the perimenopause symptom list!
Whatever the cause, these signs are all your body’s way of telling you it’s struggling and you need to listen. They won’t go away by themselves. The good news is there are steps you can take to lessen the strain on your body. Here are three practical ways to deal with divorce stress.
1. Divorce stress: recognise the causes and get support
When you’re under significant stress, the most important thing you can do is acknowledge it. When you pause and recognise that the load you’re carrying is too much, you can start to strategise. And there are always options.
The first thing to do is list everything contributing to your stress. Whether it’s worries about children, work responsibilities, perimenopausal symptoms, unreasonable expectations from loved ones, or anything else, get them all down on a list.
Next, for each of your causes of stress, list things you can do to lighten their impact. It can be helpful to sit down with a trusted friend to do this, as they may be able to offer perspectives you hadn’t considered.
There might be things you can deal with yourself – such as dropping out of optional committees at work, for example. Or there might be areas where you need to ask for support. Maybe other family members can help with the children more for the next month or two? Maybe you need to speak to your boss about working flexibly for a little while? If you’re a member of She Can Divorce, you could post in the Community Chatter, Money or Work threads to get perspectives from women who will understand.
You don’t have to manage it all alone. If you’re still attached to the ‘I’ve got to keep going!’ mentality, think about this: every time you acknowledge that you need support you empower someone else to do the same.
You don’t have to struggle in isolation. By starting a conversation about stress, you provide a way for other people to break their silence too. Which means you feel less lonely and will have more people around you who get it.
This is important: if you notice your health is being affected, do seek medical help. You are important and your health is important. Your GP has a duty to listen.
2. Develop your ‘no’ muscle in divorce
One of the things my clients struggle with is letting go of people-pleasing. Often, they have an internal script in which they have to ‘handle it’ or ‘do it all’ in order to feel worthy. Sound familiar? It’s time to let that script go. You have nothing to prove, and it is fine to say no.
Of all the times in your life, this is the one to put yourself first. Remember, divorce is right up there on the scale of the most stressful life events. This is the time to be clear about what you’ll take on and what you don’t have capacity for. It’s fine to let your standards drop a little. Your children won’t suffer if they have a little more TV and frozen pizza than usual. You do not have to say yes every time someone asks for a favour.
Treat it as a game: give yourself the mission of saying no to something each week. Think of it as developing a muscle. And, remember, every time you say ‘no’ you are saying ‘yes’ to something else. And this time you are saying ‘yes’ to looking after your health.
3. Move your body and shift divorce stress
We hold tension and trauma in our body. I’m not going to pretend that going to a yoga class or booking a massage will make everything go away. But moving your body will help you feel better, and can help improve your physical health too.
So try and fit movement into your routine as much as possible. If you’ve got into the habit of eating lunch at your screen, go for a quick walk instead. If you have the resources to book a massage, do it! I bet you have no problem buying nice things for your children or your loved ones… so just add yourself to the list of people you can buy nice things for.
A massage, swim or yoga class can help you feel calmer and help your body release tension. Which will make all the stresses you have to manage easier to cope with. Which means you can take action to then eliminate, minimise, or hold less closely a cause of stress. It creates a virtuous circle rather than a negative spiral.
Get the divorce guidance you need
One of the biggest problems with divorce is not knowing what to do next. That uncertainty creates worry that keeps you up all night. And then your energy is used up getting through the day, and worrying some more. Getting divorce guidance you can trust can help with all of this.
When you join She Can Divorce you get:
- a 30 minute welcome conversation with me, where we’ll get to the heart of what you need
- access to a community of women who get it, and will support you
- online community threads on all the essentials so we can support one another
- strategies and resources that will help you plan your next steps
- invites to weekly community chats
- a monthly Q&A where can ask me anything about your specific divorce situation
Knowing you have somewhere to turn in itself is a massive relief. And knowing you can save yourself thousands of pounds, as well as months of stress makes it even more of a must-have. At £97, She Can Divorce is the stress-reducing gamechanger your divorce needs.
Come and join me and the women who are taking charge of their divorce today!
Article updated March 2026
About Emma
Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is the author of the Amazon best-selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready. A former lawyer, and family mediator, Emma is a trauma-responsive therapeutic divorce coach and founder of Get Divorce Ready, the online self-study programme.
Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. Emma is also the host of The Six Minute Divorce Podcast. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com
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